The Invisible Wall

I’ve been going, going, going of late – over runs-into-wallcommitted and under energized but still propelling myself forward in an attempt to get it all accomplished. Then, FWAP, I slammed into an invisible wall that not only knocked me down but has kept me down for hours than days at a time. Each time it makes me take stock and try to put into perspective what’s most important and to me that is family. But part of being over committed is trying to do so much for my family, especially my son.

Larry and I have always been present and active participants in Joey’s endeavors. We’ve coached and managed his baseball teams. I’ve taken leadership roles within his Cub Scout Pack. I volunteer each and every year in his classroom. And in all of these endeavors and more I find that I am always the parent who is the one to say “yes” when asked because the other parents aren’t able or willing to step up. I don’t understand this especially since I was raised in a single parent household with my mom working full-time and then some and yet she still managed to participate in Girl Scouts to some degree or another, helped coach my basketball team in an unofficial capacity, always took my friends and I on the first picnic of the year and allowed us to hold weekly dances in our garage. She did all of this while working 60 plus hours a week. As a result I have great memories that I made with her during my childhood adventures. I want that for my son too though I’m finding with Fibromyalgia that is more difficult to accomplish. I end up saying yes to way to much and then find myself resentful and frustrated that the other parents aren’t doing their parts. I run myself ragged and then like I said, FWAP, I’m up against an invisible wall that I can seem to climb or go around. It makes me really resentful of my Fibromyalgia even though I know that simply because I have this condition I am able to be around more for my son even if it’s just hanging at the house, having movie days in bed on my really bad days or reading stories together.

So I have to ask myself, “How can I stop going so fast in a forward direction that it allows me to coast around that wall rather than slamming into it?”. You’d think it would be simple enough to do, simply say “No” but I find that so difficult when I know it impacts my sons joy, or my husbands. And yet if I did say that two letter word more often it would allow me to have more joy in my life, more time to savor the best parts that make up my life.

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