I looked back on the past week and wondered to myself, when did I get so crazy? I mean I know I have this illness, that doing to much to quickly will send me into a flare and yet when it comes to life I seem to be hurtling full speed ahead. This is what my week looked like: Saturday – All day adoption class; Sunday – Ran an e-waste donation site for my sons Cub Scouts pack and pulled the weeds in my front yard; Monday – Did an art project with my sons class and participated in a Girl Scout fundraiser at the skating rink; Tuesday – Ran errands for Joey’s class and took him to his baseball game; Wednesday – Worked at my son’s school; Thursday – Helped at my sons field trip, and then that evening took my son for team pictures and baseball practice followed by a mad dash to his Cub Scout pack meeting; Friday – To tired to do anything other than take and pick up my son and neighbor from school. Yes all that while in pain and most days to tired to think clearly and yet I went forward.
I’m hoping the crazy days of April will slowly melt into the gentle rhythm of May but I know it won’t. One more month of school with final projects and open house and year-end parties and homework, homework, homework. All of it taking up my time and devouring my energy. More baseball practices and games and a team party. Again swallowing my energy whole. And Cub Scout meetings that seep into the evening hours when I am at my foggiest. All of it too much and at the same time not enough. I want my son to have great memories of his childhood and I don’t want to miss a second of it. I want to see every double that he hits, watch him help lead the Pledge of Allegiance at the City Council meeting, help to make his classroom experiences be the best they can be. But all of that comes at a price. I’m left with nothing, no energy or focus and in its place mind numbing pain that seems to affect every part of my body like an alien body snatcher leaving me at less than myself. Less than I want to be and yet I keep taking a step forward and then another. Crazy? You bet, crazy for my family, for everyday adventures, for the possibilities that each day brings.