I feel like I have the whole world at my feet right now with infinite possibilities. Why you may ask? It’s officially Spring Break at my son’s elementary. We want to do everything – play dates with his friends, bowling, a little kite flying (if the wind will materialize), camping, baseball, a trip into San Francisco, etc. So many things and only one week to do it and did I mention that we have to do it on the cheap.
While I feel like the possibilities are endless I also have to be cognizant of my Fibro. If I go full throttle ahead this body of mine is going to eventually come to a complete standstill whether I want it to or not so pacing is the name of the game. We’ll be starting off low key – an adventure of some kind with Daddy. Perhaps a trip to the movie theatre to see Home followed by ice cream. Tomorrow is an unknown but am thinking either a play date with his buddy Caden or a trip into the city. Wednesday we’ve lined up bowling with his buddy Tommy in the afternoon and if the wind cooperates maybe a little kite flying in the morning. Thursday and Friday may be the perfect time to get in a couple of nights of camping returning home on Saturday and a day of rest for me. Sunday is Larry’s day off so am thinking we could head to the beach for a picnic and more kite flying. And if it’s in the budget I would love to do Six Flags on Monday before he has to return to school the next day. He and Larry both love the roller coasters and I love all the animals. It would be a pretty full week but with low-key activities so I think I could pull it off without to many repercussions.
I really dislike being limited by my body. It makes me mad and I have to stop and reassess just how lucky I am to be living this life, to have this time with my family. That life truly is good.
I’ve been absent for almost a year. Life went on, but I feel as though I was just wandering through and not paying as much attention as I should. It’s coming up on what would have been my mom’s 76th birthday this week, and almost the one year anniversary of her death. I look back and see all the wonder that she bestowed in my life, the skills and abilities to survive. And thrive, if I put in the effort.
It’s been hard. The stress of it all exacerbating my Fibromyalgia causing me additional aches and pains. And in the midst of it I realized that the pain meds, the short acting opiates, that had been helping me in the past had ceased to be affective. In this western world of medicine I live in I knew it would be tough to get my team of doctor’s on board with my desire to stop taking them and so I circumvented them altogether. Tapering myself off little by little like I knew they would have me do if I had included them in my decision. It took 10 weeks, with bouts of nausea and light headedness throughout but when I came out the other side I felt clear-headed for the first time in years. Some of the forgetfulness that I’d always attributed to my Fibro lifted and I was able to focus on my life, on what I wanted.
The first thing I had to do was to begin learning all over again how to pace myself. Accept that I can’t go full throttle all the time, heck even most of the time, but I could move forward if I paced myself. Little by little my house is becoming the home I’ve dreamed of. My involvement in Joey’s world has tripled, now not only volunteering at the school, but with Cub Scouts, and Daisies for my niece to be a part of the girl power movement, and baseball. This year I stepped back, we stepped back, and instead of coaching and managing we are simply parents rooting our son in a pastime that’s overflowing with fun.
I still find myself plagued by pain on a daily basis but it’s no better or worse without the pain meds. The only real difference is that I feel as though I’m taking my life back and making it into what I want it to be. In total, family. It’s what’s most important, the one thing that brings me constant joy and that is not something I just want to coast through. I want to be devoured by it, immersed in all it’s juicy details. So far I’m being pretty successful in that pursuit and it suits me to perfection. I’m back to dating my husband again and going on random adventures with Joey and in doing so, life goes on.