Head over Heels

Yep, that’s me… head over heels.  Thursday night I got up to tinkle, took two steps and literally fell over the dog.  Thank goodness Hoss was alright but I didn’t fare as well.  Instantly I knew I was in trouble as I couldn’t put any weight on it at all and the worst part was I still had to tinkle.  Larry woke up, found our spare walker/wheel chair and finally I made it to the bathroom.  What a relief, at least on that front.  As for the other, I still couldn’t walk, or even hobble so Larry helped me back to bed, got me ice, suggested that we go to the ER but not me… I just wanted to die.  Seriously the last time I did something like this and felt my ankle roll over in the same manner it landed me in the hospital having a ligament repair to my right ankle and yes, its the same ankle this time.  I told him I didn’t want to go to ER and sit around for hours that I’d rather just wait til morning and see my own physician.

Larry went back to sleep and I lay there in pain, watching re-run after re-run until the sun came up.  Every time I adjusted my position pain shot up through my foot and ankle until that was all I could feel.  Poor Larry, he didn’t get a ton of sleep that night either since I had to wake him up two more times to go potty and every time I made the mistake of moving any part of me I ended up saying a not so nice word or two.

After getting a shower done (thank goodness for mom’s shower chair), we headed off to the doctor’s.  Mind you not my own since he had hospital rotation this week but in to see Larry’s instead.  Dr. Nguyen turned out to be very nice, although he was running a bit behind, as in 40 minutes.  Luckily for us he was willing to request the x-rays while we waited to help expedite the whole process.  Unfortunately for us once we did get in to see him he realized he needed more ankle x-rays than foot so off we went back down to x-rays.  A total of six x-rays later I learned that at least it didn’t look like I’d broken any bones, though there is a strange spot that the doctor thought might be scarring from a previous screw, perhaps from my previous ankle surgery, only I’ve never had a screw put in or taken out.  Guess I’ll have to follow-up with my own doc to find out what that marking is all about.  So now I have to wear a brace for support, wait until the swelling goes down, use heat and ice, and if I’m still unable to put significant weight on it by the end of this coming week then I’ll have to have an MRI and see an orthopedic specialist.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that none of that will be necessary.

Larry has been doing his best to care for me, mom, and Joey but I think that already the role of caregiver is wearing thin.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s seeing to all our needs – meds for mom, food for Joey and I, etc. but he’s no longer doing it with a smile.  I don’t think he quite knows what to do with me not only being down but out of the game all together.  I want to help more but having been through this all once before, and not listening to what the doctor told me to do which resulted in surgery as a result, this time I’m lying low and doing everything he’s recommended.  It’s tough on all of us.  I’m used to powering through the pain on a daily basis, putting everyone else’s needs before my own typically and this time around I just can’t afford to do that.  So do I label that as “selfish” or as “self-care”?  I guess it would depend on your perspective.  Even I have to remind myself time and time again that it falls under self-care.

So for now, it’s bed rest as much as possible, and increase in pain meds, and being open to receiving help from others.

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